Nine Months
by December Sapphire
Summary: "Maybe my return back to Forks was destiny." By the time I met the golden-eyed god, I knew my life was complete. How could someone so perfect exist and pay attention to me of all people? What did he know that I didn't? If only I could keep him forever. Unfortunately I only had nine months to live.
1. Prologue

Prologue will be short. All other chapters will be longer.

This story is un-beta'd for obvious reasons. This is my first twilight story and don't have any betas for this category. Reviews do help...a lot.

**Disclaimers: **All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.

Nine Months

By: December Sapphire

_"You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough"-_Mae West

"Prologue"

What attracts a man to a woman? What is their favorite part? The nape of her neck? The line of her back? The shape of her breast? Or just maybe it's her mind? Perhaps I would never know the real answer. It has seemed as if they were more attracted to what was on the outside then the inside. I had learned this from observing the natural habitat of the human males at Forks High School. Their species staring idly at woman's asses bigger than their faces and breast bigger than their asses made me realized that men only wanted the best.

It's a man's world out there- obviously.

I found that they went for the more model type. Tall and skinny. I found it unnatural that woman could even look this way. Jessica Stanley was one of these girls. After I returned, she was totally transformed. Her breasts were bigger, she was skinner, and her face was reformed. I was positive it was the result from plastic surgery. She was-used- to be my best friend. Now, she acts as if I was thin air. But it wasn't new to me.

I already considered myself thin air- invisible to the human eye. I was a ghost, hell I believed them from my pale skin and lack in anything but beauty. But there was a reason for my form. There was always an accurate reason to everything.

It was the reason I came back to this small, isolated, depressing place of town in the first place. My Mom had been informed of the best of the best living and working here, and it was right then when she shipped me off- to much of her dismay- to this desolated area. I was unfortunate to have my Dad already residing in Forks causing more problems. My Mom wasn't for the idea but because of Phil's work and her unhappy sacrifice to abandon him to stay with me; I had to convince her it was for the best. Even though, I loathed the idea myself. Back in Fork, my over-protected Father had put me on lockdown. I was a prisoner in my own home for months. It had taken me days to beg him to allow me to go back to school. But since my return back to Forks, my relationship with my Dad had spiraled into nothing.

Back when I was twelve I was one of those girls people called 'popular'. I had everything- friends, good grades, my health, and my perfect form. Everything was sunshine and rainbows, even in Forks. My parents were happily married, we were traveling everywhere for ballet concerts, and my social statue couldn't be better. My life was excellent.

It wasn't until I turned thirteen when everything descended into a black abyss. At first it was just a normal check-up at the doctors. But what was supposed to be a quick examination ended with many tests and words I didn't understand. It consisted of these doctors telling me I might have this and had to take that and had to start this and this might happen to me. It all happened so fast. I had not time to let it sink in until the doctor diagnosed me in having acute lymphoblastic leukemia. It was definitely a different feeling I thought I would have if I was ever diagnosed with cancer. None the less, I was content to defeat this thing and not let it control my life.

However, this illness fought back in forces I couldn't imagine, and after many months of surgeries, chemotherapy, and fights against my parents that lasted for days, I finally won the battle. The outcome during the process though consisted in my parent's divorce and my Mom taking me to Arizona where I was severely watched over by doctors.

I knew my disease would come back. My Mom was in denial of it but I knew, deep down, that I would be overrun with cancer yet again. It was its way of coming back to war. It wasn't finished with battling and would never stop until it won. Perhaps it was my fate to live with this burden. Or maybe the cancer was a sign. Maybe my return back to Forks was destiny.

But who knows. Destiny and fate haven't been really on my side recently.

When the doctors told me my cancer returned, I didn't cry. My Mom cried but I just nodded my head, knowing what I was in for. I was used to it. They then mentioned it would be better to seek medical attention from the highest rated oncologist in America. From what I had heard, he was young, he moved around a lot, he had the highest survival rates from his patients, and he seemed-by the way he knew the area so well- to have over fifty years of experience which would be completely impossible since he was only twenty-three.

Then they told us where he was located- Forks, Washington. The birthplace and tragic end of my childhood was more depressing when I returned.

The first day back at school, nobody recognized me. When I told them my name, their expressions would be shocking like they had seen a ghost come back from the dead. But in a sense, it was true- I did come back from the dead.

My disappearance when I was thirteen was a mystery and started with dozens of questions like 'What happened?' or 'Why did you suddenly leave?' and 'Where did you go?' I didn't tell them the truth when I answered. I didn't want to come out and say I had cancer. So I remained silent in that category and never told a soul.

Jessica didn't speak to me either. Be it because I never told her why I left or be it because she doesn't speak to anyone who isn't 'popular' and doesn't fit the category of beautiful, it didn't matter. If she wasn't going to treat me as a real person, then I didn't want anything to do with her.

I was definitely different in both mentally and physically. My body had decreased in size from all the weight loss and treatment. My long, brown hair had turned a gross, pale brown. My skin-naturally very pale- remained the same in a sense that I covered up most of my purple and yellow bruises every morning with make-up.

My attitude mostly changed. When I was twelve I enjoyed going out with my friends and living it up. Now, I couldn't enjoy a single night out without my energy leaving me and collapsing in the middle of a crowd. It was embarrassing. So, I never left my room and remained to myself most of the time. I wasn't big on trust or secrets anyways.

I felt like if anyone or everyone knew my secret, I wouldn't be invisible anymore. I would be stared at so much that people would start making up rumors about me. Plus, I would have to endure the awkward moment between Jessica and all my other friends. I would be considered disabled to everyone I came near- a freak. They would feel sorry for me and keep saying 'get well soon' or 'hope you feel better.' That's why I didn't want to tell.

So I decided it was time to take a chance and go back into the swing of things. I had started to dress a bit better and at least smile to my fellow peers-even Jessica. It was going to be a new start of the school year.

I had a gut feeling everything was going to change for the better.

* * *

Should I continue this?


	2. September: Part 1

**Disclaimers: **All recognizable characters are not mine.

Nine Months

Chapter 1

"September: Part 1"

I'm beginning to think how lucky I am to be alive.

People wake up every day depressed or cheerful. I was neither. I was fortunate. Fortunate to be alive. When you have cancer, there's another part of you who comes out. This part tells you day in and day out that you're going to die, and live today like it was your last because it might just as well be. Way to speak the obvious. Still, I was in no mood to listen to it. I knew what my future held, that was all I needed to know.

It was September 13th- my birthday- when it all started. The one day a year when I can say- congratulation, you are one year closer to death! Hooray!

I was still going to try and go back into the swing of things. For example, in the past few years, my wardrobe had gone from glamour to rags. It was severely lacking anything new. Still, I made the best of it-like I promised- and wore my best clothes.

I never wear make-up and when I do, it makes me look like a disfigured clown. I couldn't do anything with my hair since it was a tangled bird's nest, but I figured something out in the end, pulling together simple curls. Who cared if I didn't look exactly like I did when I was younger? Boys did. But I was still determined to pull through.

On the bright side, I looked almost human.

I went downstairs and I pulled Charlie off of the beer stained couch. Bottles of Rainier beer scattered the floor like children's toys, smelling up the room in a alcoholic aroma. Charlie snored loudly before jumping up from the floor. "Dad, you need to go to work." I would always get impatient with his behavior.

"S-sorry, Bells," he stuttered, "must've dozed off."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my medication from off the counter as well as Tylenol for Charlie- a daily routine for us. The man became a drunk when I was diagnosed with cancer- another reason why my mom divorced him- and it got worse when I returned. I blame myself for his mess, but he keeps saying that it's not my fault and he's fine. He's just making sure I don't feel bad for hurting the people I love. Too late.

I handed him the pills and a glass of water. With his head in his hand, he mutters, "Did you take your medicine?"

"Yes Dad," I answered shortly. He would ask me the same question a dozen times a day, but I've gotten used to it.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Bells?" he asked, sounding concerned; I knew he didn't want me to go back to school. He wanted me to stay here like a good, sick, little girl and do everyday treatment at the hospital. "You can always stay home and…I can home school you if you like. It's only been one day; it's not too late to pull you out."

I laughed a bit, and tried to imagine what it would be like if Charlie taught me algebra. "I'm sure, Dad," and I gave him a small smile in return. "I'm better off there anyways, like you are better off at work; which reminds me, you better get ready."

I felt like a house wife when I said those types of words. Sometimes I worried who would be there to do the job when I was gone. Who would take care of him? Maybe one day…he'll move on. Start a new family- a new life away from all of this mess- where he didn't have to worry every day. He deserved so much better.

"Bella, don't forget you're seeing the specialist today at the hospital," Charlie reminded, before leaving the house.

"I know, Dad. Thank you!"

"Oh and happy birthday," he smiled.

I smiled in return. "Thanks dad."

He left, leaving the house silent. No noise could be heard, not even a scattering of a mouse. It was lonely. "Lonely," I laughed.

I hopped into an old red truck Charlie purchased off of Billy Black a few months back. It was supposed to be his to use, but when I returned he agreed to let me use it anytime I wanted. The thing was, this truck was ancient. It was a nice truck but it looked like it was going to fall apart any second. If I wasn't going to die from cancer, I was going to die from this truck.

When I arrived at school, people stared at me curiously. Nothing new there. And here comes a wave of unnecessary questions!

Angela came up to me first. The tall, skinny girl could pass for a cancer patient if she wanted to, but I was pretty sure that she was secretly suffering from anorexia. The girl ate less than five-hundred calories per day and only ate organic salad. "Bella, hey, you look so different then you did yesterday."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it looked like you were about to die," she chuckled.

How ironic since I was practically dying yesterday. "I wasn't feeling all that great yesterday, so I didn't really care what I looked like."

"That explains it. So are you officially back in business then?" In other words, was I back to a popular bitch that only cared about fashion and boys.

I nodded my head, grinning. "Yeah, I'm back," but not as a popular bitch.

She clapped her hands together happily and took my arm. "Yay! Come on, Jessica will want to hear this. She'll be so excited to have her best friend back."

"Yay!" I sarcastically yelled. I should at least pretend I want to be friends with Jessica.

Yesterday, Jessica had treated me like shit. Literally like shit, and it was all because I was dressed like a homeless person. I wasn't in the mood to make amends with her, but if it made me get noticed like a real person, then I would have to do it. I would do anything to be treated like a normal person.

We soon found Jessica and the others talking and gossiping like any other popular group. Made me ill to the stomach to see them talk so much trash about someone.

"Jess," Angela shouted. "Jess, look who I found."

Jessica frowned at the sight of me. She was clearly disgusted in my presence. But her frown turned into a smile- a very fake smile. "Bella!" she hugged me. "I'm glad you're feeling better. You scared us to death yesterday when you came dressed like a…homeless person."

"I'm so glad to be back too, Jess," I cheerfully replied, holding back the vomit.

Mike Newton pushed Jessica away and wrapped his arm around me. I grinned weakly, hoping he would remove his arm soon and I wouldn't have to result in breaking it.

Back before I was sick, he was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first love. Then he cheated on me with Jessica. This was one reason why I hated her. This was one reason why I never wanted to be friends with her ever again. She was nicknamed the boyfriend stealer in my head.

"Good to see you back with us Bella," he smiled. "So how was Arizona?"

"Oh, um…It's nice," I nodded, mentally wondering how he knew. "How did you know where I was?"

"Your dad. So why did you leave?" Of course Charlie would tell. I hope that was all he told.

Might as well tell him something though. "Uh, my parents divorced. Nothing new."

"Ah, makes sense. So why come back?"

Jessica then barged in, obviously annoyed, and pulled Mike away. In the first time for a while I was thankful. "Why should we care where she's been or why she came back? She would've told us if she wanted to. Let's just go to class Mike."

"Uh, right. Oh Bella, just to let you know, there a party this weekend at my house. You should drop by."

I waved slightly, "Okay. Bye."

Jessica glared before they turned the corner. Oh drama, we meet again. I had a feeling Jessica and I would probably dispute like a couple of five year olds again. Still, I knew Mike was only speaking to me because I didn't look like the walking dead. I was dressed much better and looked better too. In his mind, only pretty girls deserved to be recognized. But I never wanted to be pretty. All I wanted to be was Bella- the girl who had cancer. But that didn't mean I was going to give my appearance up. No, I was going to show everyone what I was made of.

I walked to class, bumping into people and lockers, in the crowded hallways. I knew dozens of bruises were going to show up on my arm later on. Good thing I was wearing a sweater.

It wasn't until I bumped into a brick wall, or at least that's what it felt like, when I knew this day wasn't going to get any better. But when I looked up, I saw the most beautiful golden eyes hinting a slight romantic look. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you there," he said in a voice like angels.

"It's okay," I replied, tantalized by his features.

He offered me his hand and I gladly accepted. "Are you okay?" I noticed he was wearing black gloves. Odd, wasn't it warm for him?

I nodded, slowly. He looked like a god or something. Nobody in the world could look this beautiful. Okay, maybe on television shows or in books, but never in real life. I must've looked like a total idiot in front of him.

He chuckled, "Well, see you later then."

I nodded again, watching him retreat around a corner. I sighed heavily, daydreaming what it would be like with his arms around me. What was I thinking? It was stupid. Like he would ever see me the same way I see him. He was a god and I was a rock under his feet- utterly useless. He probably was like every other guy in this daunting place anyways, why should I be drooling over him when I wasn't his type?

I was shocked, however, to see him in my biology class, and I was more shocked when he was sitting right next to my seat. Oh this wasn't going to be awkward one bit. Once I sat down he would probably move, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about right? Right? Wrong because when I sat down, he started to stare at me. For the whole hour I sat there uncomfortably, trying to listen to the lecture. I didn't even get his name. He probably hated me from bumping him in the hall and not apologizing after. What a jerk!

"I didn't know you were in this class," he suddenly speaks as we start to pack up.

I glanced at him front the corner of my eye. "Oh um…yes." That was the lamest answer ever.

* * *

As I drove to the hospital, golden-eyes' face kept running through my mind. What else was there to think of anyways besides his face? When you drive in Forks there's nothing to see- just trees. Tall, green trees. Trees north, south, east, and west. Trees…well you get the idea.

Whenever I go see a doctor or a specialist, it would usually be a six hour appointment- five hours in the waiting room and one hour in his office going over test results I already knew. This is why I always show up an hour late, so I didn't have to hear people's sad conversations on what was wrong with them.

Fork's hospital is the size of a small clinic back in Phoenix. It's tiny. The waiting room is the size of my bedroom while the rest of the place is the smaller then my bathroom. Just kidding, but it was puny. Wonder why my doctor came to live in a desolated place like this. Didn't make any sort of sense to me.

Of course, Charlie wouldn't be at my appointment. He had this strange fear of hospitals. Be it because of me or because of his drinking problem, he never stepped a foot in one since I was doing treatment in Arizona. I was on my own this time around and I knew once I got home, Charlies would want to know everything.

I think the hospital got more depressing the last time I was here. This was the same place I got diagnosed at. I wouldn't be surprised if I went into the same office too. But this was where it all started.

After I checked in, I sat awkwardly between an old man with stomach issues and a woman who had the plague aka a common cold. Just before I was going to move away, I noticed a familiar face leaving the office hallway. It was him- the golden-eyed god.

He saw me a moment after I spotted him and walked over. "Hey, what are you doing here?" he smiled. "I are you following me or something."

"I should be asking the same thing," I laughed.

"My father works here. Just came to drop something off. Yourself?"

"Um…waiting for my father to come out of an appointment. He's been having liver problems lately."

He narrowed his eyes, "Oh I'm sorry to hear. I hope he recovers quickly. Oh, I almost forgot. I didn't catch your name earlier."

I blinked in surprise. "Uh, yeah. It's Bella. Bella Swan."

"So you're Bella Swan."

"I'm guessing you've heard of me."

"The whole school is going on about this Bella Swan mysteriously returning after a long absence. I was wondering who she was."

I smiled. "Now you know!"

"Yeah…now I know. I'm Edward."

"Edward." That rolled off the tongue nicely. "Nice to meet you Edward."

"Nice to meet you as well. I should get going though, before my mom starts calling me and asking where I am."

I nodded in agreement. "Right. You should go. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, see you in bio."

But before he left I had one last thing to say. "Edward," he stopped and looked at me, "I'm sorry for running into you earlier."

He smirked, "Don't worry about it."

Well he just made my day. _Edward. _I liked it.

"Isabella Swan?" the nurse called.

I followed her down the hallway of the hospital to the same room where I was diagnosed. Knew it. Inside, a man in his twenties sat at his desk typing on his computer rapidly. "Dr. Cullen, Isabella Swan is here."

He turned and smiled. I gasped at the sight of him. He reminded me so much of Edward. Why?-Because he also had the golden-eyed romantic stare.

His eyes followed me as I sat down at his desk. "Isabella, it's good to meet you."

"Bella," I corrected him.

"Sorry. Bella. I'm Carlisle Cullen. I've heard you came from Arizona. How's the weather over there?"

Every doctor does this- small talk. They only did that to make you feel less uncomfortable in their presence."Dr. Cullen, not to be rude or anything but I kind of like to know how I'm doing."

His smiled disappeared from his face as he pulled out a folder. "Well from your recent test, your blood count is very low and it seems like your immune system is in collapse. Your cancer is now terminal." My world had stopped. Now the question remained, how long? "We can do treatment to slow it down but-"

"How long?" I interrupted.

He blinked slowly. "I don't really want to go into timescales."

I swallowed thick. My anxiety was rising rapidly. If I didn't get answers I would soon start having a panic attack. "Dr. Cullen, I'm in the last year of high school. Will I be able to graduate?"

He sighed, shaking his head. I knew what that meant. "Bella…"

"Please," I begged in a mere whisper, "I can handle it."

"Nine months," he answered, shortly. "You only have nine months to live."


	3. September: Part 2

**Disclaimers: **All recognizable characters are not mine.

Nine Months

Chapter 2

"September: Part 2"

Nine months. Fuck you.

Now, what does one do in nine months? Travel the world? Get married? Finish school? Have a baby? Give up? –they wait for death. This was the stage I was at, just randomly waiting until death knocked at my door once again. I've been constantly avoiding this creature since I was thirteen and now there was no escaping him. He would come for me.

There were more words coming out of Carlisle's mouth but I couldn't hear them. My mind, numb, only focused on my timescale. I stood up slowly and walked to the window, zoning out. I tried to sink in the information but I couldn't, It just floated there like an unsinkable boat. But even all boat must sink eventually, and once that occurred, I would accept death like an old friend.

"Bella," Carlisle's voice reached me, but I made no move to turn to him. I only stare outside, watching the living.

I sighed heavily, "I'm sorry Dr. Cullen. What were you saying?"

"I know it's a lot to take in, but that's why we're here. We can start chemotherapy on you again to slow down the cancer, and there are also support groups around the hospital to help you cope with the news."

"Yeah, I've been to one of those. Met some pretty cool people."

"Then maybe you can chat with them."

"I can't. They're dead."

He sighed, "Okay well-"

"When do I start chemo?" I cut him off.

"Two weeks."

I nodded impatiently, waiting for the green light to leave this dreary place.

"Okay, starting October first you'll come back here and start chemotherapy."

He scheduled the time and told me how long I my session would be. I didn't need to know the information though; I knew what would happen. I knew the results already.

While I drove away, tears started to fall. It wasn't until I broke down that I had to pull over and try to calm myself down. I took deep breaths, trying to control my emotions, but nothing seemed to work, so I decided to let it flow and wait until it stopped automatically. I was so angry at the world- at myself. It seemed fate had decided my future and saw it was nothing but darkness. My life was non-existent.

I must've been there for at least half an hour before I finally calmed down. I looked in the mirror to see my eyes were red. Cheeks stained with salty water. Now I definitely looked sick. I couldn't go home. Not now. What was Charlie going to say? Hell, how was I going to tell him his daughter only had nine months to live? What would he do after? I couldn't do it. I needed someone to talk to, someone who has always been there for me since I was little. I needed my best friend.

So I turned around and headed towards La Push.

The drive to La Push was the only thing I liked about this area. The town itself is secluded, often over run by the native tribe or tourists that come for the waves. But my favorite part was First beach. I could walk on that beach for hours on end and not get bored of the scenery. The sunsets were breath-taking- a million dollar shot.

I arrived at my destination in time to see a long-haired, buff male carrying a large piece of metal into a run-down garage. I snicker at him, wondering how he could rebuild an engine. The guy was only sixteen and yet knew everything about cars inside and out. While I was still trying to figure out what car Charlie drove to work, he could take one apart and put it back together in half the time.

Following him into his garage, I shivered a bit, hiding my hands in my pockets to protect them from the cold. I watched him- half his body hiding under the car. He was such a grease monkey. "Hey tiger!" I called him.

He pulled out from under, giving me a large smile before getting up and wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Bella, long time no see!"

"Uh…Jake…can't breathe."

He pulled back quickly. "Oh sorry. Guess I don't know my own strength. What are you doing here?"

"Am I not allowed to see my best friend?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Well it's been a few years since we've seen each other, hasn't it?"

I nodded, feeling a little guilty. "Hey, do you want to go for a walk on the beach with me? Catch up?"

He grinned, friendly. "Sure why not."

We got in my car and drove to First beach. Out in the water, a few surfers are seen, catching large swells- an aftermath from a recent storm.

Our feet sink into the sand as we make our way down the shore line, picking up rocks and shells among the way. All we did was walk in silence, listening to the waves hit the beach. Then Jake spoke up.

"So, how long will you be here for?"

"What do you mean?"

"How long is your treatment?"

How he found out, I had no idea. I tried very hard to keep it a secret but somehow I knew deep down it wouldn't last. Someone was going to find out eventually, but at least it was Jake and not someone random stranger. "How did you-"

"Your Dad told my Dad and I was kind of listening in."

I giggled. "Jake, don't you know eavesdropping is bad?"

"I know but I couldn't help it. I still remember travelling down to Arizona to see you in the hospital. It hurt me to see you in such a state. I don't know, I guess I'm worried about you."

I shook my head, sadly. "Don't be. I'm fine."

"Define fine?"

I started to pick up random rocks, throwing them into the ocean. "I'm walking, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but how long will that last?"

"Long enough," I mutter low, hoping he wouldn't catch it.

"What?"

"Don't worry about it Jacob. I'm alive. I'm breathing. That's all that matters right now."

"You will fight it though. I believe in you. You won the last time, you can win it again."

I shook my head slowly, keeping my gaze on the horizon. "I don't know, Jacob. I'm getting really tired of fighting."

"No, Bella, don't say stuff like that. You're strong. You can defeat this thing."

"What if I can't?"

"No…Bella," he grabbed my shoulders, "listen, you will win. Don't think negatively. "

I shook him off and kept throwing rocks into the water. "I went to the doctors today, and they told me…something."

"What?"

I threw another rock, this time in frustration. "My cancer is terminal, okay? I'll lose the battle either way."

We stayed silent for a second before Jacob whispered, "Terminal? How long do you have?"

He should know the truth. The question was unavoidable and I didn't want to tell him something that would give him false hope about the situation. "Nine months. I only have nine months to live."

"Nine months!" I knew his reaction wouldn't be good. "But…that's….No! NO! It can't be!"

"Well it is, okay?" I snapped. "Do you think I want to die? Do you think I like having this illness? I'm not ready to go. I don't want to die," whispering the last part. "I want to grow up and get married. Have kids- a future. Grow old and…" I promised myself I wasn't going to cry in front of Jake but sometimes you got to let things be.

I didn't realize until I felt strong arms around me that Jake was holding me. I cried softly as he whispered into my ear, "It's going to be okay Bella. You'll fight this. You're going to be okay."

I shook my head, sobbing. "I don't even know what's going to happen. I can't leave Charlie…"

"Charlie will be okay. I promise we'll take good care him."

"Promise?"

I felt him kiss my forehead. "Promise."

For the next hour we just sat there, watching the water. We didn't speak just listened to the natural noises of the environment.

It was peaceful for the first time.

* * *

Once I got home, I found Charlie in the kitchen awake. In his hand was…nothing. He looked worried, and I knew why. "Dad I…"

"Where the hell were you? You know how worried I was?" in his voice held anger, something that wasn't new.

"I'm sorry. I went to visit Jacob after my appointment…."

"I had no idea where you were!" He was raising his voice now, and seemed to have missed what I said. "I called the hospital and they said you weren't there!"

"I told you I was with Jacob!" I yelled. I wasn't in the mood to argue right now. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. "I needed someone to talk to…" I whispered more calmly. "I'm sorry I worried you."

Charlie heavily sighed. "Just make sure you tell me next time."

I nodded, grabbing my medication from the counter.

Of course, I knew he was going to ask. What's the point in asking anyways? I didn't want to talk about it at the moment so I decided to straight up tell him. "The doctor said my cancer is terminal. I'm start chemo in two weeks."

Charlie's reaction was silence. He was shocked, it was plain to see. After a few minutes of waiting for some sort reply, I gave up and said goodnight, heading to bed earlier than usual.

* * *

Over the next couple of day, things were normal- kind of. Charlie had become absent and I only saw him when I got home from school, sleeping on the couch with more beers on the floor then I could count. I would shake my head in disappointment as worry would set in. He had a serious drinking problem- clearly- and would need to be dealt with soon. I couldn't fathom what Charlie's future held if he continued this nasty habit.

At school, I had become little miss popular again- well sort of. Jessica seemed to hate my guts and the only one I really spoke to was either Angela or Mike. Mike's conversations didn't seem to last long though. He would usually be dragged away by Jess, who constantly glared burn holes into my head.

Edward had also become a 'friend' I guess, and when I say 'friend' I mean a guy I talk to only in class. I rarely saw him in the hallways and when I did, he would usually be with others. It would feel awkward to suddenly come up and say 'hey, you're hot. Want to sit with me at lunch?' I was usually quite shy in the boy department anyway, which didn't make things easier.

It was finally Friday…thank god. There was a party tonight and everyone seemed to be going. Was I going? Hell yes! My plan was to get drunk and possibly have a one night stand with some random guy, and then forget everything the next morning. I didn't care if I wasn't allowed to drink; I was going to die anyways so what the hell. I was going to live my life the way I wanted to and if that meant getting drunk until I passed out then whatever! Bring it on!

I had to sneak out of the house though and it was a lot harder then I thought since Charlie was awake, watching football. You know how hard it is to climb down a tree? Okay, maybe it isn't that hard but for me it might as well have been, but I accomplished it.

There were a lot of people there when I arrived. Some looked a little drunk already. There was a game of beer pong going on while other mingled. It seemed the whole grad class was there.

"Hey Bella!" I heard Mike call out. "I'm glad you made it!"

I wave to him, watching him drink from a red solo cup. "Do you have any more?" I asked.

He handed me one and I immediately slam it. "Whoa, Bells, take it easy. Pace yourself."

I grab the one from his hand and drank it too. "Don't tell me what to do. It's been a hell of a week."

"Okay just be careful."

I rolled my eyes and walked away. I hated when people told me to be careful. Even before I got cancer, it annoyed me greatly. It was like telling me I couldn't swim without a lifejacket, water wings, and every type of floatation device imaginable when I great at swimming. Like right now for instance- if they knew I had cancer, I guarantee they wouldn't let me drink. They would just say, 'Bella, you should go home and rest.' Hell no. Nobody was going to tell me what to do.

It had been a few hours into the party and I started to feel the effects of the chemical. I stood at the kitchen counter and just watched others talk, make-out, and live their lives- the usual. I drank the last amount of liquid in my cup and groaned in annoyance. I needed more.

"Bella?"

Beside me was the golden-eyed god from school. "Edward," I grinned, sexually, "you came." Maybe I could get him into a little something-something.

He chuckled. "And you are drunk."

"Only a little," I slurred, pinching my fingers together.

"How much have you had?"

"Uh…" I counted my fingers but seemed to have lost track. "I think eight? And one…no, two shots of tequila."

"Ah, well I think you've had enough for tonight."

I shook my head. "No… I think I haven't had enough and I think you haven't had enough. Why aren't you drinking?"

"I don't drink."

"Lame! Then why are you here?"

He shrugged. "Curiosity. Now, come on. I'll take you home." He grabbed my hand and started to lead me to the exit.

"No!" I pulled away, loosing balance and falling on the floor; laughing like an total idiot.

I stood again and made my way back to the kitchen, but Edward caught me and picked me up in his arms. I struggled in his hold, trying to move away. Once we were outside, I was able to get free. I fell onto the grass, laughing. "You know, you are really hot!"

Edward smirked and nodded. "Ah uh, okay come on."

He helped me on my feet and held my hand. Why did he wear gloves? "Do you want to have sex with me?" Oh god, did I just say that out loud?

"Not tonight."

"But why?" I whined loudly, getting into his car.

"Because you're intoxicated and would be inappropriate."

The car started to move as I began to lose consciousness."Uh…" I moaned, feeling the aftermath of drinking. "Edward, stop the car…I think I'm going to be sick."

He pulled over just as the vomit was coming up. I always hated throwing up; it was one of the things I didn't look forward to once chemo started.

I didn't notice until I was done that Edward was kneeling beside me. In the little light we had, I could see that he looked a little uncomfortable. "Sorry," I mumble, low.

"It's fine. Are you done?"

I nodded, glancing down accidentally to see a small amount of blood mixed in with the vomit. "Shit," I muttered.

Edward didn't seem to notice though and I was glad he didn't, it would be very uncomfortable trying to explain you have cancer while intoxicated. The rest of the ride home was…weird? I don't know. He seemed angry or something. Maybe he was upset at the fact I almost barfed in his car or he had to take me home. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, again.

"Bella, its fine." Yeah, he was angry.

"No, it's not. I made you leave the party because of my drunken behavior. You can just drop me off here; I'll walk the rest of the way."

"Don't be ridiculous. It's freezing out and you'll get sick." Too late. "Besides, I only came to the party to see you."

I glanced over to him, surprised. "Really? How do you know I was going to be there?"

I saw his mouth move up into a small smile before saying, "I had a hunch. Plus, you're friends with that Mike guy aren't you?"

"I guess," I shrugged. "Thank you."

We arrived at my house moments later. The light in the living room still on which meant Charlie was up too.

"Do you need help getting into your house?" Edward asked me.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks for…you know."

"Anytime. Good night Bella."

But once I got out of the car, I immediately fell onto the ground. I should've known my body would've done this sooner or later. All of a sudden I was being carried in someone's arms. "Edward…"

"Shhh, just rest."

I nodded, nuzzling into his chest.

Charlie's reaction was between distressful and furious. "Bella! Where the hell have you been? I've been all over town looking for you!" There was a slight paused until... "Wait, who are you?" he asked Edward.

"Edward Cullen. I brought her home."

"What happened? Is she okay?"

I laughed. "Like you care."

"She's drunk?"

"As a skunk."

"We'll talk about this tomorrow," Charlie instructed in his big cop voice.

"Can't wait," I mumble.

"You can take her upstairs, Edward. Thank you."

The next thing I knew I was in bed, drifting away fast. Before I fully lose consciousness, cold, soft lips kiss my forehead gently making me smile.

"Sweet dreams, Bella," he whispered into my ear. Then he kissed my forehead one last time as I finally slip into dreamland.


	4. October: Part 1

**Disclaimers: **All recognizable characters don't belong to me.

Nine Months

Chapter 3

"October: Part 1"

The next few weeks were strange for one reason- no Edward. Or should I say no Edward Cullen. Yes, I had finally found out his last name. Now, I should've known his last name since the first day of school, but I didn't really pay attention to those kinds of things. But now since I knew, I was curious to know if he had any relation to my doctor. Oh what the hell, of course they were related. It only made sense. They both did look kind of alike in a weird sort of way.

This made things even worse because Dr. Cullen could easy tell Edward my secret. It was going to be very difficult since I started to develop feelings for this guy. Maybe it was just a crush- I don't know- but he was undeniably haunting my every thought since that drunken night.

What if he left town because I embarrassed him? He did just disappeared off the face of the planet. I had this long speech for him too, apologizing for that night.

The morning after the party was interesting since Charlie was quietly waiting for me in the kitchen. He looked so tired and had a mug of coffee with a side of Bailey's beside him. Our conversation lasted five minutes, and continued in me telling him the truth and him leaving the house and not coming back until next morning hung over and grumpy. Our relationship had sure spiraled out of control these last few weeks.

I guess finding out that I was going to die was too much for him. I didn't blame him either. It was too hard for me as well. Why else did I get drunk at the party?

It was the first day of October and the count down to my death had begun- eight months and counting. Today was my first day of chemotherapy and the last day of looking and feeling normal. After today, I would start to lose more weight, my hair would fall out, and I would look paler then a ghost. Oh, and I couldn't forget about the lovely gossip that would soon start about me. Terrific.

I wasn't overjoyed to be going to school either, but it was my choice to go in the first place. I had to do something with my life.

Once again, Edward had failed to show up to class. I was wondering if I would ever see him again. Oh god, I couldn't believe it- I missed him! I missed him like a wife missed her husband. I craved to see his gorgeous face. Could I be falling in love with his guy?

He was very handsome and with bronze hair, those gorgeous golden eyes, how could one not fall for him? Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if more than half the girl and some of the guys in school had major crushes on him. But for me, perhaps it was when I felt his lips on my forehead that night, resulting into never forgetting him.

Even if I was in love with him, he would never feel the same. That kiss was probably a friendly 'hope you feel better' kiss and nothing more. I mean, how could someone like him fall for someone like me? Besides, I had cancer. Our relationship would never work.

That was another fear of mine. If someone got too close to me, they would suffer. For example: Charlie- drinking alcohol to help him cope. That was why I never had any close friends. I would have the odd talking buddy in class or at the hospital, l but it never lasted very long because a) I was rarely at school and b) the 'friends' at the hospital always ended up dying. Besides, I didn't mind being alone. It makes me happy.

Memories of chemotherapy haunted my mind as I drove to the hospital. The disgusting feeling it gave you. Making you feel weak, unable to be normal. Creating another you in months- bald and frail. Soon I would have to ask Charlie to pick me up from the hospital, if he wasn't drunk that is. What was I going to do with him anyways? If he kept going on the same path he was now, he would surely shorten his life- if he hasn't yet- and follow quickly behind me in death.

When I arrived, I shivered at the sight of the gloomy building. I think the hospital was what made this tiny town depressing. Who knew so many people could be sick in this isolated place.

Once again I sat awkwardly in the waiting room, studying each and every single person sitting there and wondering what kind of illness they were plagued with. I wonder if they were doing the same- guessing my condition- only to get the wrong answer every time.

I was the only one doing chemotherapy in the room. It makes me more relaxed when I was alone. Being alone when doing this sort of thing felt a lot better. It made me feel less guilty and sad whenever there was someone sicker then yourself doing the same treatment. Being alone, I would only have to worry about myself.

I didn't flinch when the nurse inserted the needle into my arm. She said I would feel a slight poke but after all these years of being poked, stabbed, and pinched with needles, I got used to the pain.

Whenever I did chemo, I always read my favorite novel, Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë. I've probably read this book over a dozen times and I just never grew tired of it. I guess it was my escape from reality. It brought me into a world where I wasn't sick; a life I wished I lived instead of this one. A fairy tale per say.

Hours dragged on and finally the hands on the clock struck six. My next appointment was scheduled and once every week I would return to this miserable place. I was prescribed pills and would be added to my already overflowing pill count. What was the point of taking these pills anyways? It wouldn't make me feel better. It wouldn't destroy the cancer. It would just make me feel even sicker then I already was. I didn't understand it!

One the way out, I zoned out because the next thing I knew, I walked into something hard. It was Edward Cullen on his way into the hospital. He held me by the waist to stop me from falling over and even after I was upright, he never let go.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized. "Bella? What are you doing here?"

Shit. "Hey Edward. My Dad… he missed an appointment so I had to come for him…again."

"Oh? How is he doing with his liver problems?"

I shook my head. "Not good. It's pretty damaged." I wasn't lying. Charlie's liver was probably horribly damaged from all his drinking.

"That's too bad. Give him my best," he smiled, letting me go.

I nodded, watching him walk passed me. Wait was that it? "Wait? Uh…what are you doing here?"

"Just dropping something off for my father," he answered, turning away again.

"Um… can I come?" Why did I say that?

But he turned to me one last time and smiled. "Sure."

Okay, this wasn't good. We were heading to see Dr. Cullen. Damn it.

"Where were you?" I suddenly asked, walking alongside him. What was with me today saying everything on my mind? "I mean, you weren't at school for a few weeks."

"I went out of town for a while to visit some family. Why, did you miss me?"

I blushed intensely, blinking. "No, I just wanted to apologize for that night when…you know."

"Bella, I told you to forget about it. It's fine. Besides, don't you remember what I told you in the car? I came for you."

I nodded slowly. "I remember. I'm just curious to why."

But before he could answer, we arrived at Dr. Cullen's office. My heart skipped a beat wondering what he would say when he saw me with his son.

"Carlisle," Edward called. He called him by his first name? Okay then.

"Ah, Edward, Hello," he greeted, and then he moved to me. "Bella? What are you doing here?"

My eyes grew wide and I glanced at Edward to see him looking quite confused. "You two know each other?" he asked.

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "She's my…" I shook my head quickly, mentally telling him to not say a word. "…patient's daughter."

Thank god. But once I peered back over at Edward he was expressing the most terrifying look. His eyes were wide, his mouth was gaped slightly; he looked like he was going to snap. I placed my hand on his arm for a moment to see if I could calm him down. "Edward, are you okay?"

He nodded, smiling at me sweetly. "Yes."

"Oh, what are you here for Edward?" Carlisle spoke up.

Edward handed him a small folder with the words- Confidential. Why must all things be confidential?

Carlisle nodded. "Thank you, I'll see you back at home."

"Thank you."

"Good bye Bella," he told me as I left with Edward.

"Bye," I muttered, low, waving.

As we headed towards the exit, I was about to ask what the folder was, when I became very dizzy. Great.

I held onto the wall for support, trying to keep my body upright. Edward must've notice because he was suddenly there, holding my arm. "Here, you okay?"

I nodded weakly, leaning on him. "I sometimes get dizzy spells. No big deal."

He didn't say anything as he helped me to my truck.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"Wait, maybe I should drive you home."

"What about your car?"

"I didn't drive here. I walked."

I raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was kidding. "You walked?"

"Yes, sometimes it's good to walk."

I nodded my head in agreement, opening my door. "I guess, but you don't have to drive me. I'll be fine. If you want I can drive you home."

He slammed the door closed before I could hop in. "I'm happy for the offer, but I cannot let you drive while you're in this state."

I began to grow angry. "What state? I'm fine!"

"Don't be ridiculous Bella. Just a second ago you were in the middle of a dizzy spell, now you tell me you're fine?"

"Yes," I argued, opening my door once again. "Now, let me in my car."

He closed it again. Ugh! "Only if you let me drive."

Fuck, he just wouldn't give up! "Fine!"

I got in the passenger side, crossing my arms in frustration. As we drove to my house, I couldn't even look at him; my eyes were focused on the passing trees outside and nothing else.

When we got to my house though, my frustration had been replaced by guilt. Edward didn't get out of the truck, he only sat there. I could feel his eyes on me too. "What?" I snapped.

"Are you mad at me?"

I didn't look at him as I asked, "Why would I be mad? I mean, you drove me home because you were worried about me. I get it. You think I can't do some things because of my dizziness."

"I never said that."

"No, but you implied it."

"I only did what I did so you wouldn't get into a car accident."

So he was worried. I knew it! "Whatever," I muttered, looking back out the window.

I heard a door slam and was immediately face to face with him outside my window. He opened the door and smirked. "Tell you what. Next time, I won't drive home. I'll let you do it and see what happens."

Great now he was making me feel bad. I sighed out in frustration. "Sorry."

"Thank you. Now, would you like a ride to school tomorrow?"

My eyes locked with his, surprised by his request. "Uh…sure."

I got out of the truck with his help, eyeing his black gloves for moment. I wondered why he wears them? Then he starts walking away. Wait, walking away? "Edward? Where are you going?" I yelled at him.

"Heading home!"

"On foot?"

"Walking is good, remember?" he smirked.

I smiled at him, watching his retreating form

Then a question pops into my head. A question I didn't mean to ask but comes out anyways. "Wait, Edward! Will you go out with me?"

Shit.


	5. October: Part 2

**A/N:** Hello, sorry for the wait! I had to complete several assignments for school and exams start this week too. Expect updates to be slow. I will try though to put ch.6 up by Thursday. Thanks for sticking with me guys! It means so much to me.

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable character belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing.

Nine Months

Chapter 4

"October: Part 2"

Everything in my mind was racing like a bullet train going five hundred miles an hour. I had either made a giant fool of myself or asked the best question in my life. I doomed to suffer a mind that spoke for itself.

I expected an answer that ended with a _no- _the simple rejection. What I didn't expect was a _yes,_ making my heart jump up and down like a Japanese school girl_. _So there I was, on a date with Edward Cullen, at a fancy Italian restaurant in Port Angeles -another gloomy town. Wearing simple black skinnies, hanging loose around my chicken legs, a deep red blouse and a jean jacket, hiding the purple and yellow spots on my pale skin.

He was dashing as well, dressing so perfectly. His black leather jacket fit like a puzzle around his slender form. He wasn't one of those guys that had a pack of muscles and looked like they were on steroids, nor was he one of those skinny gamer guys that ate everything and never gained weight, no he was errorless? Flawless? Incomparable?…words could not describe him.

The waitress at the restaurant was one of those women that only cared about looks. Her breast popped out, too big to fit in her tiny black shirt and she walked like she was pretending to be a model, moving her hips in front of Edward's path. I internally gaged in disgust. But Edward took me by the hand and smirked slightly at me. Did he not even notice her?

Then she did it again when we sat down, her eyes lingering on Edward as he remained his focus on me. I looked between both of them mentally telling Edward that he was being sexually stared at by a slutty waitress. When he told her that he wasn't going to have anything, her expression changed and she turned her focus on me. She was envious of me-it was clear-but I was also envious of her. She was healthy and I was not. She had the ideal form and I did not.

Her stare was burning, forceful, like she was getting impatient with my presence and wishing I could disappear from the world in a large explosion.

"The mushroom ravioli," I muttered, low.

She huffed and strolled away. I grimaced, keeping my gaze on the dark green table cloth-mindlessly- while my fingers play with the ruffles.

"You okay?" Edward asked.

I nodded, glancing up at him through my eyelashes. "Did you see her staring at you?"

He frowned, nodding truthfully.

"And you didn't seem to care?"

"Girls like that don't grab my attention," he smirked.

"So, um, what girls grab your attention then?"

"There is only one girl that is grabs my attention and she is sitting right in front of me."

I blushed, fiercely. My heart was beating out of my chest. Never in my life has a guy ever talked like that about me. It felt nice that I had someone that caught their attention. However, this attention was starting to scare me. I had the feeling Edward might be going too far.

My food arrived minutes later. The smell of melted cheese and cream hit my nose, making me drool. "Are you going to eat something?" I asked, trying to strike up some sort of conversation without making the air feel more awkward.

He shook, staring back and forth between my plate and my face. For the first time in forever, I felt fat. I know it was strange hearing that from someone who weights a little more than one hundred pounds but it was the truth. It was like he was nauseated with my food choice.

I took a few bits to settle my grumbling stomach and pushed the meal away slowly.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you not hungry or something?"

I nodded. "I guess my eyes where bigger than my stomach. You can have some if you wish."

"No thanks. Are you sure you aren't hungry? Your stomach seemed to be talking earlier."

Were my stomach growls really that loud? "I'm not anymore."

Besides, my stomach seemed to be home to thousands of butterflies at the moment so it would be impossible to eat without gagging.

The waitress came back and narrowed her eyes at me evilly. "Are you finished with your meal?"

I nodded, and she took the plate away. "Do you want anything else?"

"No, just the check," Edward answered with a smile.

I pulled out my wallet and handed him a twenty. "Let me pay for it," I said, "it's the least I can do since I didn't eat much."

"Non-sense Bella," he disagreed, placing his own twenty on the table. "Ready to go?"

I guess he didn't want to see the rude waitress come back. I nodded, blindly and followed him out into the brisk October air.

My skin prickled at the dryness of the atmosphere, coughing slightly. I wrapped my jacket tighter around my thin body, trying to preserve more heat. It wasn't working as much as I thought it would though. Then I felt something heavy drape over my shoulders. I looked to see Edward's leather jacket hanging around my form.

We walked by the harbour, observing Victoria lights on the other side of Salish Sea. We remained silent, listening to the sounds of boats and natural noises. Water crashed on the barrier below. Wind moved through the trees.

Memorizing. Tantalizing. Captivating.

I was now getting a sneak peek at the beauty of this place. I've never noticed it before but the tall, Olympic Mountains, the green, luscious forests, and the isolated community was a perfect getaway from all the world's gadgets and gismos. That was the problem when I was getting treated down in Arizona, the desert- as warm and beautiful as it may be- was dry and empty. The city was noisy, and dust and sand often snuck its way into the buildings. But the warm weather was not missed.

Cold was not my sort of thing. It was the reason why I got so depressed. I didn't mind the area; it was just the weather I loathed.

But with Edward here, I really could care less.

When he came into my life, it changed. All I thought about before was how boys only liked girls for their looks and slutty attitude, not the way they acted. Edward though-Edwards never cared about those things. He seemed to go for girls, not for their plastic breasts and fake nose jobs- but for their personality. I guess there are guys out there that are like that, not just in crappy romance movies. But what made my lousy personality so special?

I know it was impossible but I couldn't deny it any longer. I had fallen in love with Edward Cullen. I wish I could keep him though and have a relationship, but asking him out was a mistake. After tonight, we could no longer converse with each other besides school. I just didn't want him to get hurt. I didn't want him to be in pain when I got too sick to live. This was the first and last time we would do something like this.

"Bella," his voice sounded so soothing. I wanted to melt into rainbow goo and feel the rain wash the sadness away. "Are you alright?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm just not feeling all that great right now," I said as cheerful as I could.

"Maybe I should take you home."

"No!" I said quickly. "I'm fine. Really. Let's just walk a little more."

"If you are sure," he gave me the concerned look.

"I am," I reassured him.

But after ten minutes my energy went from good to holy-crap-I-can't-stand-up. I stopped and rested on a nearby bench, trying to get control of my dizziness. I must've looked ridiculous with my head lowered between my legs.

"Another dizzy spell?" Edward questioned.

I nodded weakly.

"Maybe it's time for me to take you home."

I laughed. "As much as I don't want to, I agree with you."

Once I got up though, I tumbled to the ground. Edward grabbed my arm and picked me up. "Thank you," I mumbled into his chest, dozing off slowly.

"You're welcome," he whispered.

The next thing I knew we arrived back at my house. I glanced over at Edward to see him smiling at me. Oh how I wish he wouldn't do that.

"So…thanks for the night. Sorry for my stupid sudden dizziness," I mutter, nervously.

Edward chuckled. "Forget about it. I find it cute actually."

He found it cute? In what world does someone find dizziness cute? "Uh…."

"Bella?"

I locked eyes with him, noticing he was coming closer and closer to me. "Yes?"

"I might kiss you," he muttered, leaning into my face.

I swallowed hard. "I might be bad at it."

"That's impossible," he answered, planting his lips on mine softly.

I didn't know how to respond. This was…okay not my first kiss but my first one in a long time. I was also a nervous school girl who was getting kissed by her crush…how else was I supposed to respond? I've always imagined Edward's lips to be warm but they were cold and hard like ice. Still, it was passionate and I could definitely see something there. But, I couldn't feel this way! I was in love with him, I couldn't deny it, but I couldn't do this.

I drew back, lowering my head in shame. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I can't."

I could tell he was hurt from the silence. I was such a horrible person. I was too afraid to check if he was hurt from my rejection. Either way, I knew he was from the silence.

"It's alright," he whispered back to my surprise.

My face shot up, shocked.

"I should've have been so forward. I guess you weren't ready yet," he smirked.

He wasn't getting it. "Edward…I can't…It's just…" I couldn't find the correct words. He was too beautiful to reject. But I had to do what was right, even though it would break my heart and his. He would probably never speak to me again either. "I can't do this," I blurred out, looking away. "I am sorry but asking you out was a mistake and…we can't see each other again."

He never got a chance to reply since I was too scared to hear it and ran into my house, slamming the door behind me. I couldn't fathom what he must've been feeling but I was pretty sure it was the same as I was feeling. Hurt.

But this was all for the best. Then he wouldn't be sad when I died.

I fell to the floor drowning in my own tears. I sobbed, too afraid to move, too afraid to speak, too afraid to live.

Was it really for the best?

* * *

Edward had disappeared for a few weeks now and I was beginning to wonder if he would actually come back this time. Carlisle was still in town and I spotted Edward's siblings in the hallways at school so I knew the family was still living here, but that didn't mean I wasn't still worried about Edward's whereabouts.

I had taken a few days off of school after my little date with Edward because one, I was afraid to face him. And two, I was puking my guts out.

The chemo had started to take effect on my body and I had officially lost ten pounds. My hair was slowly coming out as well. It made me little scared on what I would do once it was all gone. The first time I did chemo, I shaved it off because of my fear of finding globs of hair in the sink. So I just wore an ugly brown wig in public. But even then, people stared at me like I was an alien. A freak.

So to make sure I survived a day at school, I wore my hair in a ponytail and kept nausea pills on me at all times.

It was Halloween too so at least I wouldn't stand out as much in the crowd. I would be dressed up as a cancer patient like I was every single day.

I didn't pay attention to what people were wearing. They all looked like clowns to me. Children.

When I entered first period, I froze. There sitting in the seat beside me was Edward, casually staring out the rain pattered window. I didn't know what to do; my feet were glued to the floor. But as soon as someone pushed me aside, I slowly inched towards my desk. I couldn't help but stare at him, he looked so perfect. Obviously he wasn't dressed up but the way he looked, he could've been from some other planet. This guy was too beautiful to be human.

By the time I sat down, I knew I would have to speak to him about the incident. "Hey," I awkwardly, chirped.

Of course I was met with silence. What did I expect though? I had asked him out then rejected him. It was my own damn fucking fault for making him feel this way. I wasn't going to expect him to forgive me.

"So, um, can we meet after class and talk?" I asked.

He nodded his head once, refusing to look at me. I couldn't wait for class to be over.

* * *

I followed him outside were he stopped under a large oak tree that protected us from the rain. I waited for him to speak, but when a few minutes passed, I sighed, realizing I would have to be the one to do it first.

"Listen, I want to apologise for that night. I freaked and…I don't know. I guess you were right, I wasn't ready. But the thing is I don't know if I'll ever be." I bit my lips nervously, pausing. "I just want to say that I am sorry."

"Bella, I understand that you weren't ready but you should know that I am here for you. When you suddenly left that night, I felt like you didn't trust me enough."

"It's not that I don't trust you Edward, because I do, it's just…I can't be too close with anyone right now."

His facial expression didn't change. Something I would've expected when I said something like that. "I understand," he suddenly agreed.

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused by his reply. "You do? How?"

He took a hold of my hands, his leather gloves rubbing against my dry, pale skin. "You just need to trust me."

"I do…Edward, what is it?"

He looked nervous, like he was about to confess his love to me for the first time. But what he said, was not a confession, it was a nightmare.

"I know you have cancer."


	6. November

**A/N:** This chapter is written in Edwards POV! Sorry it's so short. So I'll try for Sunday? Maybe Monday? For the next update. I don't know. It all depends on...

I also put up a poll to which story I should work on next! So make sure you go over and help me out!

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Nine Months

Chapter 5

"November"

**Edward's** **POV**

I didn't know what her reaction would be to my confession.

When I met Bella in September, I was amazing to find that I couldn't read her mind. It was like she had put up some sort of barrier, a brick wall of some sorts, preventing me to dwell deep within her sub-conscious. This girl interested me- curiosity for humans, perhaps- which allowed me to keep an eye on her. When I had asked Carlisle the reason behind her mind, he told me a theory about an invisible ability called _Mind Shield_. He went on to tell me that not only could I not touch her with my ability, but everybody else with one couldn't either. However, when Alice told me she saw Bella's future then my mind started to fill with questions. I had learned that Bella only blocks physical abilities which meant that both Alice and Jasper still had an effect on her.

I found her… different from the other teenage girls in the school. She wasn't those types of girls that cared about looks and whatnot, although, I did hear that she used to be friends with that Jessica girl until her sudden disappearance back when she was thirteen. Now, Bella was no longer qualified to be Jessica's friend since she didn't acquire the looks.

The Men were the same. They only seemed to care about one thing when it came to women, physical appearances. I guess the women thought I was included in that group. Many girls have tried to grab my attention using their large breasts in over-done makeup, and because of my ability to read minds, I've come across a far few that made me shiver and wince in disgust. The things that went through those girl's minds, it was nothing but a pure image of pleasure and lust. Craving for a man's filthy hands to move over their bodies and use them like a toy, a possession, it made me ill.

It wasn't until I ran into Bella at the hospital when she started to grab my attention even more. I already knew her name, but I didn't want to come off like one of those people who appeared on America's Most Wanted as a full-time stalker. I didn't want to scare her away. I knew had become obsessed with her well-being. All I wanted to do was protect her and when I wasn't doing that, I was in a constant paranoia.

When she told me her reason for being at the hospital, I knew right away she was lying. It wasn't hard to catch. It was like she didn't want me to know the truth because it would hurt me. She was right because when I met up with her again at the hospital in October, I knew something was deeply wrong.

It was her scent at first that threw me off. It had been filled with something toxic, disguising her natural scent. At the beginning, her blood wasn't like any other I've smelled before. It was mouth-watering. I fought for a while to control my urges to just sink my teeth into her ivory skin, dropping into abyss from the delicious aroma of her blood. But now she had a hint of some sort of radiation, like she had been in a microwave for long periods of time. Then I found out the truth from accidently reading Carlisle's mind.

Bella was dying from Leukemia.

I was aware Carlisle knew this about the girl for a while, but I guess I was too interested and focused on getting to know her that I didn't pay attention to his thoughts.

I didn't know how to react to her condition. I never thought it would be so serious and what scared me the most was the little time she had left until death came to take her away. She was more fragile than any normal human; she was like a hundred year old China doll. If touched in wrong, the body would shatter into a million pieces.

It was wrong finding out the truth from Carlisle, but I felt better knowing. I could protect her even more from those who would try to harm her. I could keep her safe. Comfort her when life was too rough. But would I be able to protect her from myself? I didn't want to be the one that caused her an early death. Just one touch, one hug, could end her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened. I didn't want her to die. If only there was a simple way of saving her. Unless…no, I couldn't do that to her. If I told her what I was, she…she would be scared. It was futile. It would be impossible.

I think when she asked me out was the point when I realized that I might be falling for this girl. To me, she was radiating with beauty beyond anything I've seen throughout my years. How could I not say yes to her? Then when I kissed her, all I wanted to do was take her then and there, mindless of her condition. Her lips were dry and cracked but the rate of passion attributed with the kiss was what made me drawn to it more, to her more.

But I was shocked however when she pushed away saying that tonight was a mistake and she never wanted to see me again. I could tell she was confused with the fact that she probably had the same feelings I had towards her, but I could also feel the fear transmitting off of her. I think it was why she told me those words.

For the next few weeks, I made sure to keep my distance from her. I didn't want to cause her any distress from the situation. I knew I had to tell her what I was hiding and the truth before it was too late. The gut quenching feeling I got was unbearable for those weeks and especially when I returned, I couldn't even look at her. When she spoke, it was like music to my ears. I fought myself to not take her into my arms and just straight up tell her my true feelings for her.

It was when we were standing outside under the oak tree on the field of the high school when I knew the time was right. It was now or never. She apologized to me for that night weeks ago and truthfully, I was never upset. I was positive that she thought I was the one who was upset with the situation, not the other way around.

I was glad that she said she trusted me, but I wasn't content of telling her the truth would be right. That perhaps I should wait for her to tell me. Still, the pitiful feeling in my stomach would only annoy me more. So I just told her.

Bella's reaction wasn't…she didn't seem surprised that I knew. I guess in her mind she was probably thinking that Carlisle told me some way or another but he really didn't. I found out myself. Was she upset that I knew? Yes. I could tell it bothered her that I knew before she could tell me.

"How did you find out?" she asked, her voice nothing but a low whisper slowly fading into darkness. She was angry.

"I found out myself," I answered, plainly, shortly, like I was doing a sucky job interview.

"How long?"

"A month, perhaps longer."

She nodded slowly, her eyes drifting away towards the landscape of the area like she was trying to find an answer in the thickness of the forest. Her heartbeat quickened like the wings of a hummingbird, trying to fly through the mess of the situation, only to get stuck. I could see it in her eyes that she was starting to panic.

Then she started to walk away from me. I didn't know what drove me to it, but I couldn't just let her go. "Bella," I called to her. She stopped, pausing, hesitated on what to do. "Meet me after school. I want…I want to tell you something."

She only nodded, never turning, before walking away again and disappearing from my sight.

For the next few periods, I ended up skipping, departing into the forest for a quick hunt. It helped get my mind off the hectic situation I was in with the girl of my dreams.

I've always loved the rush when I sped through the forest floors. The feeling of adrenaline bolt through my body was the most amazing feeling. This was one of the only reasons I liked about being a vampire.

When I returned back to the school I found Bella by my car, causally waiting. I couldn't believe she came. "Hey," I greeted her, smiling slightly.

Her eyes looked at my form up and down, expressionless. "Hey, so what did you want to talk about?"

"Get in, there's somewhere I want to take you."

I drove us to one of my favorite spots, the one spot I go to escape from the world. This spot was to me like a child to his fortress- secretive, excusive.

It was a simple meadow located in the middle of the dense forest, cased with many wild flowers, blue and purple, spreading across the vast terrain. Of course being the start of November, those flowers would be non-existent and in the middle of hibernation. The only thing in the meadow now would be that of the tall grass, a perfect home to small animals and insects. Still, the place never failed to show some sort of beauty.

"Why did you bring me here," she asked when we arrived.

"I wanted to show you that even though this place may be different, it's still beautiful. Like you."

"So you brought me here to tell me that I remind you of a dead meadow?"

I chuckled. "The meadow isn't dead, Bella, only hidden. Once spring comes, this meadow will come alive once again."

"Edward, I understand what you are saying but, I'm not going to spring up with flowers and get better. My cancer is terminal and I only have several months left."

"I know, but…that wasn't the reason why I brought you here."

She blinked. "Then why?"

My hand touched her face gently, rubbing the skin with my thumb. Her eyes locked with mine, filling me with warmth and happiness. "I am in love with you Bella Swan."

Then she grew sad, and stepped back, shaking her head slowly. "Edward…you can't feel that way about me."

I stepped towards her, narrowing the distance between us again. "And why not?"

"You should know why!" she said, raising her voice over mine.

"You think I can't be with you because of your cancer? Bella, I don't care about that! I would be with you even if you were healthy. I would be with you if you were on your death bed! I can care less what your situation is. All I care about it being with you, and you know what; I bet you feel the same."

She looked stunned, and she should be. I just poured my heart out to her, confessing my deep feelings for her. "Edward," her voice nothing but a whisper, "I can't…I just, I can't feel that way for anyone right now. I don't want them to..."

I understood what she was getting at. Her fears were surfacing. "You don't want to cause anyone pain when you leave."

Her head nodded. It was too late for that. She already knew I was going to feel that lose, that pain of a loved one's death.

"Then you should know that I am already going to feel that," I answered. Her head shot up to meet my eyes. "Bella, it's too late for me to change my feelings about you. Just let me be with you until the end."

She bit her lip, one of the many things I loved about her. "Why me?" she asked.

"Fate, I suppose."

"Fate sure has a strange way of changing lives quickly."

I chuckled, taking her face within my palms. "You have no idea."

Then I kissed her, sealing our love for each other. I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

But we had to at least try.


	7. December: Part 1

**A/N: **I am so sorry for the late update. Exams were a killer. *sigh* But on the bright-side, I'm done second year! Yuppie! Which means more updates!

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Nine Months

Chapter 6

"December: Part 1"

Weeks pasted with Edward by my side. Everything seemed perfect, peaceful. I had accepted his love for me and for once I was happy. Although I wasn't all that thrilled of having a boyfriend since the last one cheated on me, Edward did show he was trustworthy; I had to at least give him a chance. Still, there was something about him I didn't quite understand- curiosity, perhaps- but his gloves. Why did he always wear them? Whenever I asked about them, he would usually change the subject or tell me not to worry about it. What was he hiding? Did he have a gross skin condition that made his hands break out in warts?

During the last few weeks he had come with me to my appointments at the hospital, helped me when I showed sickness at school, and even took care of me at home when I was too weak to live. My life had become a fairy tale in a weird sort of way. Edward was my knight and shining armour and nothing could ever break us apart.

It was when I confessed my love to him when I knew he was the one I was destined to be with. My life was finally complete. But still, something puzzled me, how could someone so beautiful, so perfect ever pay attention to me? What did he know that I didn't? Was it just fate that brought us together or some silly joke that everyone would later laugh about? It didn't matter because I loved him. If only there was some way to keep him forever. Too bad I didn't have long to live.

I woke up early on a December morning to see snow falling gently outside. Large snowflakes like cotton painted the ground in a blinding white canvas. As much as I hated the snow, I had to appreciate its beauty. But I was scared. The snow to me was like a timer and once that timer runs out- death. Nevertheless, it was something I couldn't control.

Sooner or later, I had to except my fate and pass away in peace. It was the only way I was going to survive these last excruciating months.

I sigh out in exasperation too exhausted to even move, but I'll be late and Edward was to be here in ten minutes exactly.

I never looked in the mirror anymore. I supposed I had created a phobia of facing my appearance. Edward has told me I was beautiful but I know that it's only because I was his girlfriend. To everyone else, my body was disfigured and disgusting.

Even with make-up on, covering up my greens and fermenting purple tattoos of broken blood vessels, I couldn't conceal the fact something was terribly wrong with my body. Skin hung off the bones like useless flesh. Bald spots appeared where pale, brown hair was supposed to grow. No matter how hard I tried, my body couldn't look human.

Every time I took a shower, clumps of hair remained in the drain, scaring me even more. Beauty was non-existent, only alive in my dreams. I was an alien, an incongruous being who shouldn't even exist just like cancer.

In that morning though, I faced my fears and looked within the mirror that painted a sickening naked creature. No life was left in my eyes, skin did hang off my bones from the aftermath of chemo, and dozens of purple and green bruises scattered my body like paint marks splattered on paper. And as I looked even closer to my facial features, I noticed something sleeping out of my nose.

Blood.

First it was slow, but it soon turned into a waterfall of crimson red, showering the sink and the floor in a heavy liquid in seconds. My hands caught it with what I had around me, tissues, towels, anything to stop the flow of blood rushing out. The front of my naked body stained red, painting over my dark marks.

I would've called for Charlie except he had been out all night and never came home. Even if Charlie was home, I doubt he would know what to do. I however knew.

Edward was sure going to find me like this, naked and bloody. I couldn't let him see me this way; I needed to make sure I remained almost human. I could be considered _Carrie_ the way I was covered with red. I knew I had no choice in the matter. Edward would have to see me like this and get me to the hospital quick or I would soon….

"Bella?" the sound of Edward's voice reached my ears. I was on the floor, trying to hold the blood in. I crawled away from his angelic tone, hiding in the shower like a bloody coward. "Are you still in…" his voice paused like he had figured out I was no longer in my room.

I heard quick footsteps like loud vibrations, and then moments later a gasp. He was at the doorway, looking down at my masterpiece. His eyes were black, cold, almost reflective like he saw into hell itself. I swore just days ago they were a golden brown, warm like the sun. What in hells happened to him?

He looked at me, eyes widened with fear, unable to move from his current spot. I didn't try to conceal my bare body as I looked away from him. He remained there like a statue for a few minutes- shocked perhaps- before I heard him leave the room and return, this time to my side in the shower, with a blanket in hand.

"Edward, I'm sorry," I muttered, choking on my blood.

He wrapped naked form in the blanket and picked me up. "It's okay. Bella, I need to get you to the emergency room."

I nodded, feeling a little light headed. The amount of blood I had lost was starting to affect my body. My vision blurred slightly, blinking in and out of focus.

I could barely stay awake on the way. I could hear Edward grunt and groan as he drove, and his face was hard and clenched like he was trying not to vomit at the sight of my condition. I didn't blame him though; I would've done the same.

The next thing I knew, I was being wheeled into the hospital. Murmurs of voices rang in my ear too difficult to understand. I was beginning to lose consciousness. I could hear Carlisle's voice; he was talking to someone- Edward perhaps? He was telling him to leave. But Edward was refusing. Then I heard Carlisle say something else….

…her blood is too strong for you.

What did that mean? Could Edward not handle the sight of blood very much? He was doing alright when he took me here besides the fact he probably wanted to vomit, but still, something inside me was scared of him not being at my side.

More voices raged around me, speaking in code. My vision was blurred, darkening like I was being dropped in a black hole. Soon I couldn't help but let my body fall into a bottomless abyss.

* * *

Sounds entered my ears, awakening me from my slumber. I was confused, unaware of what had just occurred. Where was I? I was in a very white, very bright room. Rhythmic beeps sounded came from my right, indicating my heart rate. The foul smell of old death hung over the room in a heavy glow. It was clear now, I was in the hospital.

My eyes moved around the room, taking in every inch, ever description, until they landed on the tall figure gazing out the rain-pattered window.

_Edward._

That's right, I remembered what happened. There was blood, a lot of blood, flooding the bathroom floor and staining my naked form. It was my blood. And Edward, he was there, he saw everything. His face…he was uncomfortable. But now, his face looked serene, unmoving.

"Edward?" I said, ignoring the ache that grasped my throat.

He turned, smiling immediately. I smiled in return as he came to my side. His eyes, calm and relaxed, were the first thing I noticed. They were the same black color as before in the bathroom but I was for sure they had always been a golden brown.

"Hey," he greeted in a whisper, "how are you feeling?"

"Better," I answered.

His gloved hand took a hold of my pale cheek, rubbing it gently. "I'm glad. You gave me quite a scare, Bella."

I swallowed thickly, holding back the tears. "I'm so sorry, Edward. That you had to see me like that."

"It's not your fault, Bella. Besides, that's why I'm here- to help. We are going to fight this together." Then he leaned forward and placed a small kiss on my forehead.

"Until I stop breathing," I muttered.

He still held my cheek, not speaking. It looked as though he was about to cry but held back the last minute. I took a hold of his hand, studying the creases in the leather, curious to know what hid underneath. Then slowly, I started to remove it.

Edward noticed this and remained still. As soon as I removed the glove, he pulled away. From what I saw, it was a normal hand. No green scales, no secret magical ability, just a normal hand. I reached out with mine to touch it, but he kept pulled away. I huffed out in annoyance, crossing my arms. "Am I not allowed to hold your hand?"

"No," he answered, calmly, "I just…"

"Just what?" and I suddenly brought it toward me.

The moment I touched his skin I pulled away like it had burn me. His hand was cold almost ice-like. That didn't make sense. His hand had been in a glove for hours, how could he have a cold hand?

"Sorry," he mumbled, looking away in shame.

I eyeballed him curiously, sitting up and taking a hold of his hand again. "It's okay. So you have cold hands. Whatever. I have cancer so…."

He chuckled, smirking slightly. "I guess we both have problems."

"Yeah, that's probably why fate brought us together."

He kissed my hand softly. I giggled from his cold touch, imagining what our future would be like if this disease didn't exist. We would have three children. One boy and two girls, and we would live in a large white house with a porch swing like in the movies. We would live somewhere sunny- perhaps Montana and in the summer, we would have barbeques with the neighbours and drink ice tea. We would be happy and grow old together, watching our children have their own children. It was the perfect life. But it wasn't my life and never would be as much as I wished for it.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "Yes, I'm perfectly alright. Why do you ask?"

"Your eyes," I whisper, touching the edges of them. "They're a different colour then the last time I saw you. Did you get contacts?"

He blinked looked away. "Um, not it's just the lighting in this room, I-"

"Don't give me that crap. I saw them in the bathroom earlier."

"Bella…I…"

A knock on the door interrupted our conversation, alerting us to our new visitor. I was shocked to see Charlie walk in, panicked and scared.

"Bella?" he rushed over to my side. "Are you alright?"

"Dad…"

"I was in Olympia doing an investigation when they called me. I came as soon as I could."

I pursed my lips. "Dad, I've been in the hospital since this morning. It couldn't have taken you this long to get here."

He faked a cough, pretending that nothing happened. "Yes, well. I'm glad you're alright."

I was more surprised to see him even here. Charlie never liked hospitals.

"What are you doing here anyways?" I asked.

He glanced at Edward for a moment, narrowing his eyes like he was mentally telling him to get lost.

Edward looked over at me. "I'll just go see where Carlisle is and tell him you're awake."

And just as he left Charlie answered my question. "You are my daughter, Bells. It's my job to be here for you."

"No, it's not. I know you are trying but Dad it isn't working. I don't care if you pay interest to my illness, but I can't keep worrying about you. It's a waste of my time. You have an alcohol problem, Dad, and you need to start realizing that."

"Bella…"

"No, let me speak. Mom was the same except she was obsessive about my cancer. I'm sick of it. Both of you. I just want to be done."

"What are you saying, Bella?"

I didn't want to answer his question yet. There was still the mystery of his whereabouts and I was positive they weren't about work. "You weren't in Olympia were you? You were at the bar getting drunk with women. That's why you weren't home, because you were probably went to some run –down hotel after with a prostitute and had sex. Am I right?"

He sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. "Bella, can we please not speak about this."

"Am I right?" I asked, raising my voice.

"Yes!" he snapped. "You're right. You happy?"

I blinked slowly. "I'm never happy."

We remained silent for a few minutes, both of us just trying to figure out the situation of our relationship. If it wasn't for Edward, I would be flying back to Arizona the next morning, regardless of Carlisle being my doctor.

"So," Charlie spoke up, "what do you mean you want to be done?"

I knew I would have to tell him sooner or later. After what occurred with me, I no longer wanted to be in excruciating pain twenty-four/seven. If I was going to die, there was no point on continuing. I didn't care what others would say about my decision. It was my decision and that's all that mattered.

"I no longer want to do treatment."


End file.
